Civility is a word we all like to lean into. It evokes respect, politeness, “good behavior.” But as we explored in our latest Inclusion Geeks webinar, Civility at Work: Who Gets Heard and Who Gets Silenced, civility is more complicated than it seems. This webinar peeled back the layers of civility to ask: Who shapes its definition? Who benefits from it, and who gets left out? And perhaps most importantly: how do we reclaim civility so it promotes equity instead of silence?
What We Explored
Traditional civility isn’t neutral. We began by unpacking the standard, “textbook” definition: being respectful, courteous, avoiding conflict, holding dignity in interactions. These are all positive values, but what’s often left unsaid is who gets to define respect, what “professionalism” means, and which behaviors are deemed acceptable. Traditional norms of civility frequently echo dominant cultural standards.
Power, identity & tone policing. One of the most powerful parts of the session was seeing how “tone” or “emotion” gets weaponized in workplace dynamics. The same action (being direct, raising your voice, showing passion) can be praised in someone with privilege, but labeled “uncivil” or “aggressive” when it comes from a marginalized person. These aren’t abstract ideas, as we see them ripple into performance reviews, promotions, and who gets access.
Reimagining civility. We asked ourselves, what if civility was about protecting dignity rather than preserving comfort? What if it centered honesty, accountability, and inclusive expression? Some of the reframes we tried on:
- “Let’s name what’s really going on so we can move forward.”
- “It’s okay to feel strongly. This matters.”
- “I want to understand your perspective. Can you tell me more?”
- “Professionalism means showing up with integrity and respect.”
These shifts push us out of sanitized niceness and toward meaningful dialogue.
Why It Matters
If we accept civility as a neutral code of behavior, we risk reinforcing inequities. But if we lean into civility as an evolving practice, one grounded in inclusion, dignity, and truth, we can transform our workplaces and our relationships.
What You Can Do Next
- Watch the recording
- Try reframing one phrase in your meetings this week (from tone policing toward curiosity).
- Share this post with someone who might benefit from the conversation.
- Dive into meaningful reflection: Who’s been silenced in your organization? How could this shift?